Here’s an example of why Riff n Raff will appeal to anarchists.


Chapter 14 – Yesterday

Riff was in a foul mood all Monday morning, but his irritability grew substantially when he dragged himself into his socials classroom only to discover that the John Lennon poster had been removed from the wall. He figured some form of treachery was afoot when a substitute teacher walked into the class and announced, “My name is Miss Mengele. Mr. Mumu has been… reassigned, and I’ll be teaching you socials for the rest of the year.”

“And do you happen to know what happened to our John Lennon poster, Miss Mengele?” Riff asked, not bothering to mask his disdain.

“You would be Riff, wouldn’t you?” Miss Mengele asked rhetorically. “It’s been removed. The local riding association of President Pudd’n’head’s party was offended to find such subversive propaganda in the classroom when they made use of it for a war preparation meeting over the weekend.”

Riff was disgusted. “Subversive propaganda? Shut up! ‘Give peace a chance’ is subversive propaganda? Are you kidding? That’s insane! And I suppose Mr. Mumu is in Gitmo right now, isn’t he?”

“I am not cleared to confirm or deny the allegation contained within your question. I am only authorized to teach you socials,” said Miss Mengele. “However, Riff, I can tell you something that will be of great interest to you. It’s been noticed, you know? Your attitude. It’s been noticed. In very high places. Even in a democracy like ours, there is only so much subversion that can be tolerated, at times like this.”

Riff lost it. “Democracy? This isn’t a democracy.”

Now it was Miss Mengele’s turn to lose it. “Yes we do so live in a democracy, young man.”

“Says you,” Riff mocked. “Answer me this question, then: when does democracy happen?”

“What do you mean, when does democracy happen?”

When? When does it happen? I’ve never experienced democracy. When I told my mom we should sell one of my stupid brother’s kidneys, so we can order pizza, we didn’t vote on it. When I say the Principal should be fired and replaced by a baboon, you’re not  going to let us vote on it.”

Riff’s classmates were in hysterics. Miss Mengele let the laughter subside before saying, “Riff… Riff Riff Riff Riff Riff, you’re being ridiculous. Riff the Ridiculous, I dub thee.”

“Oh, am I?” asked Riff. “Riff the Ridiculous, am I? Well, you seem to have missed the point, so let me spell it out for you, then. Families are not democratic. Schools are not democratic. When we finish school, and go to work, the boss will be the boss and there will be no democracy. This so called democratic society of ours is nothing more than a plethora of mini dictatorships. We don’t practice democracy in our day-to-day lives. So, back to the question – when does democracy happen? Once every four years, you – not us kids but you adults – get to pick a pack of pathological liars from a larger pack of pathological liars, and hope that they are the lessers of the evils, when it’s more likely that they are the evils of the lessers. And it never matters who gets elected because it’s always ‘Meet the new boss, same as the old boss’. And you call that democracy? That’s not democracy. That’s deMOCKracy. Why don’t they let us vote on whether or not to go to war? Has anyone ever been able to vote on whether or not to go to war? What’s so complicated about holding a referendum on war? Riff the Ridiculous, am I? Nay, nay, I say. Riff the Rational, am I!”

“Well, Kropotkin,” boomed the incensed teacher, “you little anarchist, do you have a better idea?”

“Anarchist? Oh, no, no. You’re thinking of Raff. She’s an anarchist. FUNarchist, actually. Mirth First. I’m a fan of benevolent dictatorships.”

“With you as the dictator, no doubt,”

“I’m a benevolent kinda guy.”


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