FREE AT LAST FREE AT LAST, THANK GODZILLA ALMIGHTY YOU CAN BE FREE AT LEAST

6 Dec

I have been playing around with words and ideas for the past couple days, as is my wont, trying to come up with an opening argument in my case to sell THE RIFF N RAFF REBELLIONS to the world.

Just before sitting down to get down to it just now, I checked my Facebook memories, as is my wont, because I mine those fat veins for gems deposited and too often forgotten, and because it is a special new day, because I FINALLY have a book for sale, and I wanted to see what I was up to on this day in the past.

Evidently, I shared the Camus gem with my friends, most of whom I don’t know, on this day eight years ago. As soon as I saw the words on my screen I knew it was the place to start, because my book is a rebellion. And so I shall – start my case with Canus’ truth, and continue the act of rebellion that is my life, that is – as Mozart’s Requiem plays randomly on my YouTube shuffle (and I do hope that is not a portentous overture from the Evil Clown Gods Who Rule the Universe, but make note of it, if that should come to pass, because it would be evidence of… some damn thing, n’est-ce pas?).

Boys and girls, of all ages, of the jury, we do, indeed, live in an unfree world. As some sage, Internet meme guru recently quipped, modern slaves are not in chains, they are in debt.

Clever because it is true, yes? But there is more to the meme than meets the eye.

We are all indebted to those who came before us, fought for the freedoms we enjoy, and were often imprisoned, beaten, shunned, and murdered for their efforts to create a better world. Start paying your debt to them and you will free yourself, and future generations will be indebted to you.

I have been cognizant of this undeniable truth since I was but a boy. I have long understood that I can only pay my debt to those genuine heroes of the human race by following Canus’ aforementioned imploration. Volume 1 of THE RIFF N RAFF REBELLIONS is my latest, perhaps my greatest, attempt to pay down my debt.

I started writing the book just about nine years ago, inspired by the opening of the Arab Spring. I wrote the book in the hope that it may inspire others, especially teens, to rage against the machine.

I could have churned out a dogma laden screed, as too many have done before me, but what the Hell is the point of that? A screed is a screed, is a screed, after all, and the world ain’t needing no more of all that tiresome jazz.

In a world where each successive generation from this point forward will chant TLDR as a mantra, you have to infuse a lot of fun into anything longer than 140 characters if you hope to open/change minds with mere words.

Thus, the underlying message of the book is simple: rebelling is fun! Riff n Raff have fun while saving the world, and so can you. I know this to be true, for I have had a Hell of a lot of fun over the course of my life, as I openly and gleefully mocked anyone fool enough to think they have power over me, and a right to try to stop whatever the fuck I was up to at that particular time. If y’all to do the same, you will see for yourselves just how much fun it is.

But in order to savour this flavor of fun, you must first overcome fear.

Fear enslaves far more people than debt. Fear is the reason the human race is so far behind schedule in its march to civilization.

The entire history of humanity’s attempt to civilize itself comes down to three words: assholes oppressing cowards. Fear them not, if you want to be free. The more fun you have while shaking off your shackles, the less you will fear.

I understand that’s a lot to ask. I understand that we are trained to fear the assholes who oppress us. But I also understand that there is some, ‘Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me,” in each and every one of you. I wrote this book with the hope that readers will free their minds of the fear that keeps them from paying down the debt they owe for what freedoms we have.

Above all, this is a book of hope.

But it is not a collection of inspirational meme worthy quotes, ‘cause, let’s face it, those get pretty damned trite, pretty damn quick, and no one should even attempt to eat an entire box in one sitting.

Reading the book will be more fun than watching naked lepers bungy jump, more fun than pissing in a toaster.

Riff n Raff know how to have fun!

I am often told that I am years ahead of my time. I have never understood how, or why that is, but I suppose there is some truth to it. I finished writing THE RIFF N RAFF REBELLIONS VOLUME 1 about eight years ago, so maybe its time has come.

Bogart famously said, “The problem with the world is that everyone is a couple drinks behind.”

Knowing that to be true, it is my pleasure to announce that the bar is open. Riff n Raff are serving courage cocktails. Place your orders, and don’t forget to tip my kids.

Here it is. Come and get it!

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